I must vent!!!

(I realize after having written this that it is a bit long, and a bit negative, but I don't regret it!)

Okay, something happened about a week ago that I can't let go!!! I have got to rage about it for a bit!

I was at Target (my home away from home) with all three kids. We had just gotten new sofas delivered and, in order to keep them clean, decided to get bean bag chairs for the kids to sit on. I started out in control, with Emmett in the cart up front, Henry in the back, and MaryEllen walking alongside. However, once we picked up the bean bag chairs, they had to go in the cart, which meant that Henry (aka the light complexioned Speedy Gonzales) was free to roam on his own. At one point he started running and MaryEllen, attempting to help, started chasing him down the main drag by the registers, with me trailing behind, yelling at them both to stop. It was then that I first noticed Her. A tiny, perfect 20 something in a yellow spandex Livestrong top and short running shorts. She had just entered the store as I was catching up to the kids and when she saw me struggling to pick up Henry as he kicked and screamed, she gave me a look of shock and disgust. The look said,"What is this woman thinking going out in public?! If she insists on having a herd of children she should know better than to attempt living a normal life! Cage up this unfit mother!!!" (At least, that was how I interpreted it.)

I already knew I was going to have to pay and leave, and once I regained some sense of control over Henry I started heading to the register. That's when it hit me. The stench of a diaper filled with apple- slice induced diahrrea. I knew if I didn't change him right then, I would be dealing with diaper rash and a grumpy kid all night. I made my way to the restroom knowing I would have to take the cart in, and also knowing that this particular Target has a very poor restroom layout. I struggled, but ultimately succeeded in getting the cart around the impossibly tight corner and into the door, then realized that with the changing table folded down, there was no good place to leave the cart. I would either have to leave it blocking the entry, two stalls, two sinks, or a hand dryer. I picked the dryer, but after sticking the cart near it, it began roaring like a jet engine, and woke Emmett up. He began screaming and I moved him over in front of the stalls, figuring there was no one in the bathroom anyway, and set to work on cleaning up Henry.

It was a bigger job than I had anticipated, and Emmett wasn't getting any happier. MaryEllen (once again trying to be helpful) started pushing the cart back and forth to try to soothe him, but when that didn't work she abandoned the cart in the entryway and started into a very loud song and dance routine in the middle of the floor. This is when Miss Livestrong walked in.

I understand how she could have been overwhelmed upon entering. With three kids making a lot of noise in an echoing bathroom, the entryway partially blocked, and the smell of diahrrea thick, I would have been overwhelmed also. It was her reaction that I don't understand. I was already apologizing as I tried to reach the cart to move it, but in order to do that, I would have to leave Henry, still not entirely wiped and very wiggly on the changing table. She just stood there, a wide eyed glare of fury on her face. Rather than trying to move the cart on her own, or trying to squeeze past it, which given her size would have been entirely possible, she just stood there. I finally recovered from my own shock enough to get MaryEllen's attention so she could move the cart, and once the lady was free to pass she continued into a stall, but I swear she didn't take her eyes off me once! She just stared at me with awe and disgust. As though I was some poor creature she should have taken pity on, but she just couldn't conjure it up.

I tried to let it go, but I knew immediately that I should have said something. I knew because I already had a running dialogue in my head of what I should have said, and that dialogue continued all night long. Why did she hate me? Was it children in general she didn't like, or were mine particularly abhorrent to her? I wanted to know so badly I even wandered up front near the registers for a few minutes longer hoping I would run into her. But alas, my questions went unanswered.

I have tried all week to put myself in her place, to try and see through her eyes and figure out how I would react. Would I have been as rude if I didn't understand the struggles af a mom with three kids? Perhaps she simply didn't know how to react, never having been in that position, and this was her default face. I came to the conclusion that I would not have done anything remotely close to what she did. Even before I had children, I had some sense of motherhood, and I know that if I was her I would have helped. How could she stand there, seeing me struggle, and NOT want to help. Did she know that I already felt guily and embarrassed, and that her glares and lack of speech only intensified that to the brink of me feeling actual shame for being a mother?

I know that I will probably never see this woman again. But if she is a blogger, and she ever happens to come across this, I want her to know one thing. I will never forget the way you made me feel, Miss Livestrong. Perhaps that was your intention, but you should never feel a bit of pride in that. It is women like you who are tearing down the institution of Motherhood every day, and our society will pay the price for that. You may think I am overreacting, but for evey mother out there who has ever struggled, and for every woman out there who has helped, the effect is overwhelming and validating. You could have been a part of that Miss Livestrong, and I take pity on YOU for missing out on it.